To be fair? I am not knowledgeable about anything. I’m like the guy you’d have on a podcast (in the background) who makes weird noises and laughs occasionally.

Sure, I’ve got experience, but it’s not helpful; you’re better off choosing someone else. But I am available if you’re a glutton for punishment (and if you’re still reading this, you are, tsk, tsk).

What can I do? I can lament the general situation of WordPress, pointing exaggerated fingers at specific individuals, how not to do things, etc.

I require money. Lots of money, and I’ll tell you I love you and WordPress. I’m joking, of course! About the love part and you.

But one thing is as sure as farting in a car; I don’t mince my words.

I’m entertaining of sorts (hey, I’m trying to sell myself, go with it). That said, I may fold under questioning; once people with higher brain capacities enter the podcast, I am royally screwed.

When in doubt, bring the tambourine out; as my mother once said, shake it about, and you’ll fit into any situation. Confuse and annoy; it’s the family crest.

Special Powers: I can bang a tambourine or make soft clicking noises, to calm fellow guests. Or I can run around for no reason at all. Sometimes (it’s been noted), I jump, but I say the word jumping simultaneously.